Everyone has that one person they can’t seem to forget about and just let go that easily. Girl or guy. Regardless if we dated that person or not, they seem to always have this place in our life. Everything we do, we seem to remember them. People always tell us to forget about them, they hurt us or have done something that we should completely remove them from our lives for. But clearly they never experienced this feeling where you two are completely comfortable with each other. You know them better than yourself. There’s that history with that person, made memories with that person… How are you expected to let all of that go? You can’t. I personally think you shouldn’t. It’s almost in comparison to never forgetting your first love. I’m lucky to still have that person in my life, who always welcomes me back into their life with open arms regardless of what we fight about, even though we’re not together. And people tell me to let him go? No. Never. He knows me. He helps me. We’ve been through a lot together. But I’d never want to lose him. He’s promised me to stay. So therefore, I won’t push him away. I still love him, and I always will. Regardless if he loves me or not.
Lately I’ve been thinking about my life. And I often found myself questioning. How did I get from there to here? 2 years ago, this wasn’t me. I was much happier than this. I hate to say ever since I met Imran, my life has changed. But that can be taken as a good thing too. It’s not only him, it’s the decisions I’ve made too. It’s not my nature to blame someone else. So I always blame myself. Whatever goes on with my parents is their business. I’m happy that I’m doing good in school and started driving school. I’m not even worried about exams this week. I’ll do find regardless.
Right now I’m more concerned with my happiness. And where has ‘me’ really gone? I need to learn to move on and let go. But I can’t. He hasn’t given me an answer if he has feelings for me, so part of me still has the little bit of hope.
I really want to start over. But it’s not that easy. To find someone the old fashioned way, talk to them, share what we like and dislike and next thing you know we’re falling in love. Only problem is, you can’t pick and choose. It just happens. And sadly, nice guys don’t exist where I live. Well none that I know of. The ones that I’d love to be with would never want someone like me, I know this for a fact.
But that’s not the only thing. My weight highly upsets me. I’m trying hard to do something about it. It’s depressing though. Trying to put on jeans in the morning before school and realizing they don’t fit. Almost every morning I have a break down because nothing fits. Everyone disagrees that I’m not fat. But they don’t know the struggle.
I feel like I’m slipping back into a depression. I’m trying not too.